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Giving Oral Sex to a Woman: Techniques, Tastes & Scents

Hungry for the taste of a woman, hungry for a taste of “the cat,” the special cat that each woman has…the “between the legs cat.”

Why am I using the word “cat?” The editor of this magazine doesn’t allow me to use the actual, most-popular sexual “cat word” when I write about the vagina in my articles, but at least they let me use the word vagina!

Ok, yes I know the word vagina doesn’t sound as appealing as the cat word. The literal meaning of the word vagina, from hundreds of years ago, was to describe a “sheath,” an opening or covering to put a sword in.

It was also used to describe a “split” in something. So I guess you can see why the word vagina is used to describe a woman’s sexual organ. But let’s not put any swords in there, ok?

Today we are talking about the ins and outs of the vagina, especially the taste and scent, and how girls get intense pleasure when you put your mouth on or near the vagina…as long as you know what you are doing down there.

                                     The ins and outs of going down…

Oral sex on a woman is described using another of those funky words-- the formal term is “cunnilingus,” referring to the licking of a vagina with the tongue.

But there are troubles in cunnilingusville, and one of them centers on the sad reality that not all vaginas are clean, healthy, tasty and appealing.

Now this is a very touchy subject, and many women are likely to hurl stones at me for bringing it up, but girls, let’s get real…

The vagina is a place that blood and other menstrual materials comes out of.

It is a place that “sweats.” It is a place that lubricates when you’re aroused, and fluids come out.

It is a dark, warm, wet place, perfect for icky microbes and other not so fun things. It is a place where people put their penises, fingers, tongues, sex toys.

You see why some vaginas might not be the most tasty, sweet things, especially due to their location near the anus and the peehole!

If there is a God, I ask that God, why did You locate the vagina so near those waste outlets? Was that your idea of some kind of cosmic joke? If so, we’re not laughing.

Healthy Girl = Healthy Vagina

A girl’s diet, lifestyle and genetics influences her vaginal health.

If a girl is not a healthy girl…if she eats junk food, smokes cigarettes, does meth, drinks too much booze, doesn’t bathe enough or bathe properly, doesn’t exercise enough (so she doesn’t sweat out toxins), if she has sex with guys who ejaculate inside her, if she has a yeast infection or other vaginal infestations, if she is a nasty skank-ho, or even due to genetics, of course some girls don’t taste or smell good.

Yes, that’s right. The vagina of some girls won’t taste or smell good when you put your nose between their legs. That can hurt a relationship real bad, because many people love to do oral sex on a girl, and many girls love it done, but if the girl doesn’t taste good or smell good, it’s hard for someone to enjoy eating at the Y.

Even if a girl is a totally healthy, a pure vegetarian who takes good care of her vagina, her genetic code also determines her scent and taste, which are powerful measures of sex attraction for both men and women.

In fact, some scientific studies show that a person’s natural smell can be a big, subconscious factor in whether a potential mate finds that person attractive or unattractive. When people say “there has to be chemistry” between lovers, it’s literally true.

As a woman, you have to take responsibility for what you’ve got between your legs. You of course start with not being a skank. If you’ve sleep with a different guy every week and each one of them sticks his penis or fingers inside you, you are just a walking biology lab, whether he uses condoms or not.

You’ve got to keep yourself ultra-clean inside and out. Eat healthy foods, avoid a skank lifestyle, clean yourself inside, clean yourself inside and out before sex, shave the cat, work out, get healthy, sweat through your whole body, not just your vagina.

Do some cleansing and fasting to purge out the many toxins that come into you through air, water, food and guys.

If you’re a girl who likes to have lots of guys inside her, or even just one guy, make sure the guys are clean.

And I mean clean not just as in no STD’s, which is like duh, a no brainer, but clean as in washed and classy and healthy.

Penises suck too, no pun intended. Can you say smegma? Penises can be yuck nasty. Look smegma up, it ain’t pretty.

Some Girls Taste Good…Some Girls Don’t

But all of us girls knew, in junior high or high school, that some girls smelled good and some didn’t, and that was before we were sleeping with guys, that was just how Mother Nature doled out the smell of each cat in the girl’s locker room.

It seems unfair, and no amount of feminine deodorant spray or natural herbal methods is going to much change a genetically-bad smelling cat into a rose garden.

But a rose garden cat can change into a foul sheath if the girl is a skank or otherwise unclean. And no matter what your genetics are, if you go for health

I wrote before about watching girl-girl porn so you can see how to do oral sex on a girl. Again, due to censorship rules, I am not allowed to give you the videos that would really illustrate the oral sex on women technique. The magazine won’t let me embed those videos. I’m sure you can find them on your own.

The main thing to remember is that each girl is slightly different and you want to do a checklist of sucking, kissing, tongue-inserting, rubbing, opening the lips and licking inside her and other techniques…stopping after each technique to ask how she liked it.

Of course in some cases, you don’t have to ask…she’s grabbed your head and tried to pull your face inside her.

Or if she’s sitting on top of you, she has ground herself into your face so that your nose or tongue has gone halfway up to her womb.

In that case, if she is riding your face like you’re a horse, or if she’s grabbing the back of your head and pulling your face deep inside her, you’re pretty safe to assume she likes what you’re doing.

More fun comes when you have her help you gain access to the most sensitive tissues in her body.

Bring her hands on down and ask her to open herself for you so you have the clit like a shining pink pearl waiting uncovered.

Remember that a girl’s clit is about 453.7% more sensitive than the head of a penis. You want to be very careful about how you suck on it, lick it, pull it, encircle it, and teethe it. The cute little thing is a hot button, and harsh treatment is not welcome.

Also remember that pleasure nerves are all around the clit, the labia and inside the girl, so you want to use your lips and tongue to work those areas, always remembering to take the time to ask the girl, or at least pay attention to her reactions, to make sure your cunnilingus techniques are on target.

Some girls like guys who have a beard, mustache and facial hair. But when it comes to a guy going down on you, most of us don’t. A guy with facial hair, even just a couple of days growth of stubble, can cause some serious friction damage in the cat zone.

Girls often resort to products such as douches and feminine deodorant sprays to make their vagina more tasty. Unfortunately, there’s no clear evidence of what is a safe or effective douche technique, beyond using a device that sends warm, clean water into the vagina with enough pressure to get it out of the vagina too.

Further, the use of flavored, scented, chemicalized or even “natural” ingredients can harm the vagina, changing its natural pH or otherwise upsetting the tissues.

If you’re a woman who believes her vagina “smells bad” and you want to do something about it, do the hygienic, life-cleansing, lifestyle-changing techniques I recommended, and also go to your gynecologist.

If you’re a healthy woman and your genetics don’t trend towards a smelly crotch, that bad smell may be a sign of infection or disease.
Can You Live Without Eating It?

Is a bad-smelling or bad-tasting vagina a dealbreaker in relationships? It can be. It depends on how important oral sex pleasure is to both lovers.

If you’re a woman and you love having someone lick inside you and suck your clit, and you’ve done everything possible to ensure that your vagina is healthy and clean, but your lover doesn’t love eating you, or complains that your smell or taste turns him/her off, you have to evaluate if that makes the entire relationship a problem.

If you love to do oral sex on a woman, but her taste and smell turn you off, you have to think about whether you can live with that, especially if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship and won’t have the legit opportunity to do oral sex on other women.

Can you get used to your woman’s “not-so-wonderful” vagina taste and smell, and learn to love licking her vagina, or is it a dealbreaker?

One thing is for sure, when a guy performs oral sex on a woman, he is giving more generously than when he’s doing intercourse with her. He gets to give her intense safe orgasms, without penis involvement, thus eliminating the risk of pregnancy.

He also gets to concentrate more fully on her pleasure, without having to worry about holding back his own orgasm to forestall the usual post-ejaculation slump most guys experience.

In the best of circumstances, a woman has a sweet vagina that tastes and smells delicious, and she has a lover who’s happy to spend hours down there, enjoying the juice and the girl’s orgasms.
Reality is sometimes different than those “best of circumstances” ideals, and of course we all know that penises aren’t perfect either.

Still, I’m here to wish you sincere hope that you’re one of the lucky people who finds a cunnilingus match made in heaven. Happy eating!


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14 Days To Better Sex

Hey, married couples—want to spice it up in the bedroom? F is for free-ranging fingertips...K is for kissing, Hollywood-style...N is for naughty videos! If you want to know how to have good sex, read on for more tips—one for each letter of the alphabet.

Jump-start your love life with these tips to rekindle the passion

Remember sex?

Could your sex life use a boost? Maybe you'd like to rediscover a stronger connection with your partner, deepen your own sexual self-awareness, or just have more fun in bed. The Prevention Sex Jump Start—two weeks' worth of ideas from the country's leading sexual health doctors, researchers, and counselors—can help you make sex a priority again.

"Between iPhones, kids, and worrying about money, for many women, sex has become just one more thing to stress about or squeeze in," says Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist in Cambridge, MA, and author of The Return of Desire. In fact, almost 60% of Prevention readers say they are not totally satisfied with their sex lives, according to our survey of thousands of women.

The solution? Talk to your partner about the plan. There's no need to follow it verbatim—just pick the tips that inspire both of you, and dedicate the next two weeks to this vital aspect of your relationship. "You can't assume that romance will take care of itself or last forever—you have to work on it," says Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, psychologist and chief of behavioral medicine, University Hospitals Case Medical Center and professor of reproductive biology at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine.

Try even just a few of the recommendations that follow, and we promise you'll feel a little healthier, happier, and more satisfied with your relationship and your sex life!

Day 1

Book some quality time with your partner. Tonight, find 10 to 15 quiet minutes to talk about the Jump Start and what each of you wants to get out of it. Take a walk after dinner or whisper about it before you turn out the lights. Continue to carve out this special time each night for the next two weeks. A daily check-in is one of the best ways to instantly feel more connected, says Mary Jo Rapini, a sex and relationship psychotherapist in Houston. (If more connection is what you really need, work these 10 things connected couples do into your Jump Start.)

Choose a sexy goal. While the ultimate aim of this plan is to improve your sex life, you’ll take away much more than that. "It's about changing your mind, body, and relationship," says Ogden. Do you want to get closer to your partner? Feel sexier? Find the courage to ask your partner to try something you've always wanted to do? Take your sex life to a new level? A 2008 study found that people who approach their relationships with positive goals like these had less of a dip in desire over time than those who didn't have any or who used negative, passive goals, such as "stop fighting with my partner."

Write down five features you really love about your body. A University of Texas study found that women with more body esteem had higher levels of sexual desire. Focus on physical traits that make you feel beautiful or sexy. More than 20% of women who took our sex survey said that embarrassment about their bodies prevented them from wanting sex, but most men are not nearly as focused on every little imperfection as you are. If your tummy isn't as flat as it used to be, who cares? Your partner's probably got a paunch too, and he's not letting it get in the way. (Only 5% of men who took our survey said body embarrassment lowered their libido.)

Day 2

Linger in bed this morning. Instead of leaping out when the alarm clock goes off, take 30 seconds to smile, cuddle, and gaze into each other's eyes. "It's an easy way to connect and acknowledge each other before the start of a busy day," says Ogden.

Have a long (kiss) good-bye. Chances are, a quick peck has become part of your morning routine, like brushing your teeth or brewing coffee. Instead, today have a longer, more passionate kiss. "Build more of these small, intimate moments into your day," says Kingsberg. (Up your kissability with this natural remedy for bad breath.)

Calm your mind with yoga. You don't need to be a seasoned yogi to reap its benefits for your sex life. Tree Pose, a balancing posture, teaches mindfulness, the idea of focusing only on the present, says Ellen Barrett, author of Sexy Yoga. "Most women's brains go to a million different places, even during sex," says Barrett. Learning how to focus your mind on truly one thing at a time can help you appreciate the physical and emotional sensations of sex and stop thinking about the three loads of laundry that need folding or the blinking iPhone on your nightstand. (These 9 Yoga Poses For Better Sex will put your mind and body in the mood.)

Wear something cute to bed. It doesn't have to be sexy lingerie, but don't throw on a ratty old T-shirt either. "This is a subtle way of not taking your partner for granted," says Kingsberg. "Create an atmosphere that says, 'I think we're worth it.'"

Day 3

Have morning sex. Even if you're tired, your breath feels stale, you want to get to work early—no excuses. Only 23% of women who took our sex survey said they usually have sex in the morning, and that's a mistake, according to Eva Cwynar, MD, an endocrinologist and assistant clinical professor of medicine at UCLA. "Biochemically speaking, it makes sense to have sex first thing in the morning," she says. "Cortisol is at its peak when you first wake up, so you have the energy to do it. Then afterward you release other hormones, like oxytocin, so you're in a good mood all day."

You don't need to wake up two hours early either—research shows most couples enjoy satisfying sex in just 7 to 13 minutes. Not in the mood? Do it anyway. Desire increases during intercourse (in a good vicious cycle kind of way). As you begin to feel turned on, your libido spikes and you feel that much more aroused.

Make your bedroom an oasis. You may not be able to dash off for a weekend getaway in a luxurious hotel, but you can mimic that vacation feeling at home, says Kingsberg: "It's harder to get turned on with stacks of bills next to your bed or kids' toys strewn all over." Get rid of the clutter, use your nicest sheets, make the bed every day. (Here are 10 more tips for a sexier bedroom.)

Heat up your nightly talk. During tonight's chat, talk about your sexual wish list. Novelty is good for your sex life, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine and director of sexual medicine at Hoag Hospital. "Very often, low libido is just related to boredom with your partner or what you are actually doing—sex has become a routine script that can be played out without much thought or emotion," he says. "Rewrite your sexual script so you're not doing the same things over and over." Talk about new positions, locales, toys, etc., that you're interested in trying during the Jump Start. (Need ideas? Here are 11 new sex positions to shake things up.)

Day 4

Book some quality time—with yourself. A Finnish study in the Journal of Sex Research found that self-esteem is an absolutely essential ingredient for great sex. To feel more comfortable—literally—in your own skin, spend some time exploring your body and what feels good. "Look at yourself in the mirror with or without clothing on," says Ogden. "Touch, pat, caress yourself in the shower—your breasts, thighs, genitals, hips." (Here are five more ways to love the body you have.)

Exchange sexy emails. Tonight you'll have a sensual touching session with your partner; e-mail him to let him know you're excited about it. See how he responds. (Just be sure to avoid these relationship text message mistakes.)

Make time for exercise. Exercisers have better sex than couch potatoes. A 2009 University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine study of women ages 41 to 68 found that they enjoyed sex more if they were physically active. "The better your health, the better your sexuality," says Kingsberg. "Exercise relieves stress, increases energy, and puts you in touch with your body. Plus, if you're in better shape and feel great, you'll want to share that with someone else." Aim for at least 20 to 30 minutes most days of the week. Don't have time? Try a 15-minute walk in the morning and another at the end of the day. (For more ideas, check out these 25 ways to squeeze in 10 minutes of exercise.)

Have a no-sex touching session. "Couples are way too focused on orgasm," says Rapini, who asks her patients to do this exercise where the emphasis is on feeling good and not climaxing. Get a feather and some massage oil and plan some time for sensual touching without intercourse two days a week. If you have kids, this is a great activity because it can be very quiet. "Massage, rub, explore each other—the goal is to feel more connected through touch," says Rapini. (May we suggest using this all-natural massage oil?)

Day 5

Pleasure yourself. "Some women think masturbation is taboo or they are ashamed of it, but there's no reason to be," says Rapini, who encourages her patients to masturbate 10 minutes a day a few times a week. Curious about how common it really is? Thirty-two percent of women who took our sex survey do it weekly, and 7% said they do it daily. "There are more than 10 million nerve sensors in the clitoris, and their only function is to help women feel good," says Rapini. "But you have to know what works for you." Spend a few more minutes in the shower this morning, or experiment with a vibrator. "Just touching your clitoris can increase libido," says Rapini. (Low libido is the most common sexual complaint among women of all ages. Here are 3 tips to help.)

Try this yoga workout for better sex. These 10 yoga postures emphasize increasing mindfulness, hip flexibility, and circulation—all of which are important for a healthy sex life, says Barrett. Even if you're not into yoga or you've never tried it before, most of these are pretty basic and fun to learn. Try them alone or, even better, with your partner.

Keep up the passionate kisses. "Kissing is the most intimate act," says Ogden. It's so easy to take for granted after you've been together a long time.

Start planning tomorrow's date night. Date nights are crucial for a healthy relationship and sex life. They don't need to expensive or fancy but should show some thought and planning. Have your partner plan this one (tell him it's an assignment from Prevention). The key, research shows, is to do something slightly out of the ordinary. Discover a new kind of cuisine, or have a picnic in the park. A new experience ignites brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine (the same ones that make you giddy when you're newly dating), and these hormones may actually help the bonding process.

Go to bed early. Tomorrow will be a fun night, so take it easy this evening. Turn off the TV (and all other electronic equipment), and just talk to each other before bed. "We don't get enough downtime," says Kingsberg. "Kissing and hugging can be fine some nights. Being quiet—together—can be very intimate."

Day 6

Hit the gym during lunch or after work. If you can schedule it, go with your partner, so you'll both reap the benefit of mood-boosting endorphins. Bonus: Exercise can help with male arousal problems. A Canadian study found that inactive men were 40 to 60% more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than the most active men. Plus, research shows you're more attracted to your partner after exercising together, says Pat Covalt, PhD, author of What Smart Couples Know. (And if you work in these 6 libido-boosting exercises, you'll really rev your sex drive.)

Give yourself some transition time. "Many men can just have sex and then feel stress relief afterward," says Krychman. "But many women need to relieve stress before they can feel sensual or sexual." According to our sex survey, 25% of women feel too stressed to have sex. It's important to find little ways to calm down every day or throughout the week. Exercise is always a good choice, but treat yourself to a manicure, take a bath—whatever helps you to relax.

Get it on—before you go out. The idea of having a huge, rich dinner and going home to make love after is backward, says Daniel Stein, MD, author of Passionate Sex. "Blood flows to the stomach after you eat to help with digestion, and a full stomach will always reduce genital blood flow," he says. "This means weaker erections for men and less arousal and lubrication for women." Of course, if you're up for round two after dinner, go for it!

Day 7

Declare a no-chore zone. If today is Saturday or Sunday and you usually spend it cleaning, grocery shopping, and running other errands, allow yourselves a true day of rest. Plan something fun for just the two of you or the whole family. Catch the first showing of a movie, go bowling, or explore a new neighborhood and get lost. Making the weekend feel special, even in little ways, helps remind you that your relationship matters.

Tell each other bedtime stories. Head to the library and take out some erotic or romantic literature, and take turns reading aloud to each other. (Consider choosing from our list of the sexiest books for your bedroom.) Try a classic from Anais Nin, Henry Miller, or D.H. Lawrence, or the poetry of e.e. cummings, Sharon Olds, or Pablo Neruda. Reading a little every night will keep sex on your brain, and diving into a few pages before you get intimate can quickly put you in the mood.

Day 8

Lift some weights. It's important to incorporate strength-training into your fitness routine, says Stein, because it increases levels of testosterone, the hormone responsible for desire. (Although it's known as a "male" hormone, women need it too, in much lower amounts). Aim for 20 to 30 minutes of strength-training, 2 or 3 times a week.

Keep discovering your own body. Self-exploration is one of the best ways to have a better, more consistent orgasm, says Cwynar. In our sex survey, 15% of women said they rarely or never orgasm during sex, and 18% of users only did sometimes. "Many women think we're all born knowing how to have great sex, and that's not true," she says. "You have to teach yourself."

Once you figure out what feels good, let your partner know. According to Australian research, women who reported the most satisfaction with their partners as lovers were 30% less likely to experience low desire. "If the orgasm is really good, there's a positive feedback mechanism," says Krychman. "Some women have low libido because there's no 'reward' or no incentive to be sexual."

Break out your fantasy box. Remember how a few days ago you spoke about some new sexual activities you wanted to try? Tomorrow night is your chance. Rekindle that discussion, and do any necessary planning, such as booking a babysitter or buying any extras like lubricant or toys.

MORE: 18 Sex Toys The Experts Use

Day 9

Do some more yoga. Try a few yoga moves from this easy series. Be sure to end with Sivasana—Corpse Pose. While you do the pose lying down and exert very little physical energy, it's actually considered one of the hardest poses, says Barrett, because the aim is to totally quiet your mind. Learning how to shut out errant thoughts here will help you stay aroused and present during sex later tonight.

Unplug before you get together. Both women and men who responded to our sex survey agreed—not surprisingly—that a weekend getaway was their ideal setting for romance. One of the easiest ways to create a "vacation sex" environment at home is to truly tune out the rest of the world—turn off your cell phones, get the laptop out of the bedroom, and unplug your landline if you have to.

Act out a fantasy. Tonight's sexual activity is something either one or both of you have always been eager to try. It doesn't have to get crazy—being intimate in a new location (on a chaise longue in the backyard or in a different room of your house) or trying out a new position can be enough to keep things fun and fresh.

Here are two tips to get things started.

You initiate. "Some women are not active participants in their sex lives," says Covalt. "A lot of men would like to be touched more, seduced more. Everyone wants to feel wanted."
Use lube. Nearly 40% of women surveyed said vaginal dryness was an issue. A water-soluble lubricant like Astroglide will help make sex more pleasurable. And Good Clean Love's Almost Naked personal lubricant will stimulate, while also protecting and moisturizing sensitive areas.
MORE: Hotter Sex After Menopause

Day 10

Share a good laugh. After your 15-minute chat tonight, pop in a funny movie or watch a favorite sitcom. "One of the great glues in a relationship is a sense of humor, really belly laughing at the same things," says Ogden. Make sure it feels like you're watching with your lover, not just a best friend. Sit close together. Hold hands. Make out.

Do something sweet for your partner. Whether it's an unexpected compliment or a small gift like a card, the key here is the thought behind it—that you're not taking your spouse for granted, says Kingsberg. "Give for the sake of giving, without expecting anything in return," she says. (Here are 5 everyday romance ideas.)

Treat yourself too. Buy something that makes you feel beautiful and sexy for tomorrow night's date. It could be a flirty dress, pretty underwear, or a new lipstick. (Want a perfect pout? Try these winners for the year's best lipstick.)

Day 11

Have date night again. Remember, it doesn't have to be expensive but should show some forethought. Many of our experts recommended date nights once or twice a week. Popping in a DVD after the kids go to bed counts—the point is that you're taking the time to do something together.

Use your senses. Research from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago found that smells of lavender and pumpkin pie increased penile blood flow by 40%. For women, smells of cucumber and licorice increased vaginal blood flow by 13%. "Scent can be a really, really powerful aphrodisiac," says Cwynar. Light some candles, or shower with a scented body wash. Even better: spritz yourself with the scientifically-proven scent that makes you appear more attractive.

Engage in another sensual touching session. Massage, rub, play with each other using your hands or props, like a vibrator or a feather. Make sure you and your partner get equal touch time. "Some men are conditioned not to want to be touched because it's too feminine or makes them feel vulnerable," says Rapini. "But many of my female patients will tell me how much their partners really enjoyed this." If you can, bottle up that sexual energy and save it for tomorrow night.

Day 12

Get a massage. "The skin-on-skin contact stimulates the sex hormone oxytocin," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. "The more oxytocin released, the more desire a woman will feel." A full hour-long massage is a real indulgence, but if you don't have the time or the money, a 10-minute chair massage you can get at a nail salon will do the trick.

Change it up. Avoid intercourse tonight and instead focus only on oral sex. For both men and women who took our sex survey, receiving oral sex was the most highly pleasurable sexual experience, ranking higher than intercourse—65% of women and 79% of men loved it. Giving oral sex scored well too: For men, it was the second most pleasurable experience—71% enjoyed it (so did 41% of women).

MORE: 20 Mind-Body Treatments That Actually Work

Day 13

Reevaluate and reflect. The Jump Start is almost over—how do you feel about the experience? Are you getting out of it what you thought you would? Is your partner?

Do a sex play-by-play. Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good, says this is one of her favorite ways to encourage partners to talk about sex. She recommends a post-sex play-by-play, in which each person describes what worked and what didn't in a style similar to what you’d see after a football game on TV. It's supposed to be fun and lighthearted and always kind and complimentary. Tonight, talk about the past two weeks, and share some of your highlights.

MORE: 13 Tips For Seriously Better Sex

Day 14

Have a quickie this morning. Remember the benefits of morning sex? It doesn't have to take a long time, and it's okay if you don't always orgasm, says Cwynar. You'll still reap benefits of closeness and intimacy. (Wake up quicker with these 9 tips for getting turned on in a hurry.)

Congratulate yourself and your partner! You've successfully completed the Jump Start. We hope you had fun and continue to reap the benefits for months to come. "You can do anything for two weeks; the key is finding activities you can maintain long-term," says Kingsberg. Use the Jump Start as a tune-up a few times a year, as a way to reprioritize your relationship and the intimacy and sex that keeps it strong.

MORE: 40 Things You Should Know About Sex By Age 40

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9 tips for when your sex life goes limp

Since so many of us have faced this common dilemma for a long-term relationship that has cooled, “keeping the passion alive” is a topic researchers have studied and studied and studied again. In one of the most recent 2016 studies out of Chapman University — also one of the largest studies on the subject to date — psychologists examined heterosexual couples in long-term relationships to find out what was really going on. The results of the study showed that fanning the flame, i.e., keeping a sex life regular, was as simple as having more foreplay, mixing things up, setting the mood and showing regular expressions of love.
More than a few sexperts agree. Here’s what they have to say about reviving a long-term sex life that has petered out.

1. Masturbate more often

Thankfully, in the new millennium masturbation taboo is no longer a thing, andtouching yourself regularly is something you need to be doing if you want to keep the sexual chemistry crackling. “When scheduling is difficult, and you're not having sex as frequently, you can actually lose the desire to have sex. To help combat this, you can help maintain your sexual energy by staying in touch with yourself through masturbation. You'll soon find that you have a heightened sense of desire for your partner — and it doesn't hurt if you think about him/her during masturbation too!” Alexandra Fine, the CEO of Dame Products, says.

2. Be as spontaneous as possible

That bedroom burnout you’re experiencing is not just your imagination — Kristin Routh, licensed marriage and family therapist, says the “burnout factor” can come from routine sex, “meaning, something that we do over and over in the same way turns into something that can cause us to go into autopilot mode immediately.” She continues, “The brain creates a habit or routine behavior that can lead us to not feel as present during sex, which can lead to lack of enjoyment.”
To her clients, Routh suggests, “Mix up locations and timing for sex. Long-term sex can lose the spontaneity that once was present. Rather than confining sex to the bedroom at night, straddle your partner on the couch while watching the news, hug and ‘feel up’ your partner from behind in the kitchen while your partner is cooking or washing dishes, jump in the shower with your partner in the morning for a spontaneous sex session. If you have kids or other people in the house, you can become even more creative (and excited) as you find secret spots to make out and make love without others knowing.”

3. Go on more dates

As if you needed an excuse to call the babysitter or pet sitter and get the hell out of Dodge, dating may be one of the most important habits to maintain a fresh and successful long-term relationship, love and life coach Heather Allison says. “It's so easy to get comfortable, to get used to the routine and the regular schedule in a relationship; to let ourselves put down our 'high-gloss' efforts that we took so much care to cultivate and maintain while we were dating. And one of the most powerful things we can do to keep injecting the same amount of 'zing' into our long-term relationships is to keep polishing — keep bringing back the ‘high gloss’ by going out for fancy dinners or new adventures like we did when we were brand new.”
Routh adds, “Sometimes, mixing up other activities in the relationship can also create space for exciting sex. When sex becomes ‘boring,’ we can think our relationship or even our partner is boring, or even question our own ability to be interesting and exciting. Make some dates that are out-of-the box for both of you: go paintballing, take a road trip with no reservations or solid plans in place, finger-paint in your living room.... The wilder and more non-routine the better. Putting you both in new situations together can make you draw closer together and lead to unexpected and creative intimacy that feeds over into sex.”

4. Exercise together

This one may seem easy, but it really works to rev things up when engines have been idling for years. A 2012 study at Indiana University has linked exercise to female orgasm, even during exercise, while a 2015 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found exercise to improve erectile and sexual dysfunction in men. (Yippee!)
Nicole Bermack, part-time hot yoga teacher, always recommends that her clients experiencing sexual frustration bring their partner to their next yoga class. “Exercising is known to release hormones important in conception, so every session will lead to a boost in desire. Watching your partner's body become tighter and more fit will also make you crave for his or her touch,” she says.

5. Plan the foreplay

Remember the foreplay factor that researchers mentioned as being so pivotal to a sexy long-term relationship? Now’s the time to come up with your passionate plan of attack. Relationship expert April Masini, author of Romantic Date Ideas for committed couples who have lost the spark, says, “For instance, hire a pair of masseuses to come to your home and give you both a couple’s massage, side by side. If the weather is beautiful and you have privacy outside, use your yard, lanai or patio. Otherwise, set the scene inside. Prepare fluffy white robes and towels and candlelit rooms. Chill some bubbly water and champagne or heat up a little sake. Have fresh sushi or fresh mango and pineapple slices ready for après massage snacks. The relaxation, spending time together and all the sexy details, like the chilled drinks, fluffy robes against bare skin and candlelit mood lighting, will definitely help spark your sex life if you’re having a drought.”
Bermack adds, “Chocolate and strawberries are a stereotype for a reason — they're both extreme aphrodisiacs and have the potential to make foreplay super-exciting! Use and eat them before and just when clothes are beginning to come off to maximize and heighten the fun.”

6. Trade favors

Another thing about a relationship that has a few miles on it is the tendency to suddenly stop speaking up in bed. Now is the perfect time to voice those secret sexual desires and special tricks that can push you over the edge — and ask your partner what they want too. Allison suggests trading favors in bed, saying, “One night, it's his turn to be spoiled, with all of your focus on giving him an experience of pleasure tailored just to him; building him up, teasing him, with your eye on his experience and his peaks of ecstasy. And the next night, it's all about you in the same way — he focuses all the attention, all the pleasure, all the 'service' on your ecstasy. By allowing ourselves to receive fully, unabashedly, unapologetically, it helps to fill us up more completely so that we're not maintaining a kind of ‘midline’ of pleasure in the relationship.”

7. Make a bucket list

And if you have no idea what to ask for in bed, you can seek outside inspiration to start plotting your next sexual tryst. Read some erotica, watch some (ethical) porn, engage in some dirty talk with your partner and begin jotting down a list of everything you’d like to do in bed before you die. “Make a bedroom bucket list together, over a bottle of wine, to be carried out over the next six or 12 months. Just brainstorming and discussing what you have always wanted to do and never brought up is sexy. You can make an oral list, a written list or put your wishes on note cards in a fish bowl, and once a week, or once a month, dip in and do what’s on the card you pull out,” Masini says.

8. Think about the deeper connection

As fun as it may be to fantasize about those early days when you tore each other’s clothes off, the reality is that you may not be able to re-harness the sexual frenzy you had when you just started dating, and that is OK. A relationship changes with time, and a deeper, spiritual connection develops that can strengthen a bond and support a healthy sex life.
“Arguably more important is this — after any amount of time, a relationship necessarily changes from a physical-based connection to a spiritual-based connection. In order to foster that deepening of connection and therefore keep the intimacy and attraction building, it's less important to define what ‘spirituality’ means for each of you, and more important that you find things within one another to fall more and more in love with,” Allison says. “Counterintuitive, perhaps, but this asks that we connect more deeply to the mind and the soul of the person we're with as a means of connecting with them more deeply (and more excitingly) in the physical.”

9. Try meditation

When all else fails, and you’re just not “into it” anymore, it may be time to givemeditation and mindfulness a try. As Fine explains it, being present and mindful is one of the foundational keys to good sex, but that doesn’t mean it comes easy. All puns aside, meditation can help to bring you back to the present in your daily life, with results that spill over into the bedroom. Fine says, “With any routine, continuing to stay present (when you've done it a billion times before) becomes the biggest challenge. Buddhism teaches a concept called ‘shoshin,’ or ‘beginner's mind,’ which propounds maintaining a fresh attitude towards all subjects, much like a beginner would. This outlook can help keep sex new and exciting.”

Original :http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/806584/sex-tips-to-make-longterm-sex-more-exciting
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The right sex position could help you to naturally conceive a girl

Try girl on top

Do it missionary style

Experiment with spooning

Time it just right

Don't orgasm during sex

Examine your lifestyle

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Great Tips for sex

But it doesn’t have to be that way, and now’s the time to start fresh! Usually on this blog I give relationship advice, but today I’m going to steer more towards highly practical tips on how to make sex feel great for HER–the wife. We women sometimes have a more difficult time enjoying sex, so I’m going to give some specific tips on how to get those fireworks.

So here goes!
9 tips to make sex feel great--for HER:CLICK TO TWEET

Great Sex Tips for Her #1: Try a New Position

Sometimes we get into a rut and we’re afraid to try something new. But new positions can make things feel more exciting.
I have one particular position I stick with for two main reasons: it tends to feel the best, and it’s really cold in the winter and I don’t like getting out of the covers! But there’s an easy way to deal with that. Get a space heater for your bedroom and turn it on when you’re getting ready to make love. Then the fear of being cold won’t hold you back as much.
And if you have an easier time reaching orgasm in one position (most women do), that’s no reason not to try other positions as foreplay. Moving around during sex, and changing positions, has several benefits: it helps him last longer; it helps increase the excitement factor; it helps you keep your mind on what’s going on (since we women are notorious for our minds drifting during sex).
A new position can honestly feel great! So try it. Get on top. Move your legs around and find a good angle. Or whatever works for you! Make it your goal this New Year’s that AT LEAST every third time you make love you’ll use at least 3 positions. So maybe two times are fun and simple, but the spice the third time up. Go 3 in 3!

Good Girls Guide to Great Sex--AmazonGreat Sex Tips for Her #2: Tilt Your Pelvis

Here’s something I talked at length about in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: for women to reach an orgasm, we have to have our the clitoris stimulated in some way. Normal missionary position sex doesn’t tend to do this. But with one simple trick you can make it so much better. Just tilt your pelvis up (like squeeze your butt muscles, and your pelvis will tilt forward). When you do this, you make the angle better, so that when he’s thrusting he will hit your clitoris. But you also “engage” that little bit of flesh yourself because the tilting actually squeezes the clitoris. Seriously. Just try it right now–tilt your pelvis. Feel the difference?
You can do this in any position and enhance the pleasure, but often you have to actually get the position to work first before you tilt, or he’ll have a hard time entering you.

Great Sex Tips for Her #3: Start with a Massage

Here’s one of course you’ll agree with: start sex with a massage. Keep some massage oil in the bedside table, or a massage candle, and start by massaging each other’s backs and legs. The benefits? It helps you relax first so that you can get rid of all the pinballs in your head of all the things you’re thinking about from the day. Also, if you massage naked, it’s very sensual, and it can get the libido going. It’s just a good transition time, and we’re more likely to get “warmed up” with a massage. It shows he cares, it helps our bodies relax, and it helps us calm down mentally, too.

Great Sex Tips for Her #4: Play Teacher

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you understand each other sexually. What feels good to one person does not necessarily feel good to another. And men tend to like being touched very differently than women do (men like things rougher and more deliberate; women tend to like things lighter). Also, just because something is an erotic zone does not mean that it wants to be touched all the time. For instance, many women don’t like their breasts touched roughly at all, or even handled that much, but when they’re highly aroused all of a sudden it’s exciting. So we’re different, and we like specific things.
Take a session or two where you play teacher. Tell him exactly what to do, like he is a pupil and he has to do everything you say. Pay attention to your body, and ask him to do anything you want. You can even be quite demanding! Then the next time turn the tables and let him be teacher. You just may learn a lot about each other.
It’s good to do this at least once a year, because hormonal changes will often affect what we want. We may think we’ve lost our libido when really our body has just changed and responds to different things now.

Great Sex Tips for Her #5: Think Pressure, not Friction

Men tend to feel aroused by friction–he likes the rubbing back and forth. That can be pleasurable for women, too, but what really tends to help us is pressure–pressure on the clitoris, but also the pressure of feeling “full”.
Instead of thrusting all the way out and all the way in, then, try for part of making love to get him as deep as possible and and thrust only a little bit, so that the pressure is quite intense all the time. To help this, try wrapping your legs around him, or even have him kneel while you lie down to help him go deeper. Other positions, like having you lie on your stomach while he lies on top of you, can help with pressure, too.
Note: for many women this is something which changes after childbirth. Before childbirth, pressure isn’t as great a turnon. After childbirth it is, because we’re a lot looser. So if you haven’t had any babies yet, this may not be as big a one for you.
God made sex to feel GREAT--and here are 9 tips to make HER feel wonderful:CLICK TO TWEET

Great Sex Tips for Her #6: Squeeze

To get that same feeling of pressure, try squeezing him while he’s inside you. That’s not as hard as it sounds. You use your Kegel muscles (the ones on the wall of vagina). They’re the same muscles that are engaged if you stop the flow of urine on the toilet. Do that a few times and you’ll feel what muscles I mean. Then try the same squeezing when you’re making love. This helps with that “pressure” feeling for you, and helps him feel great, too!

Great Sex Tips for Her #7: Use Lubricant

Seriously. It’s not a failure on your part if you need to use lubricant. It often enhances the pleasure right away. You may not need it all the time, but most women fluctuate through the month with their ability to get aroused quickly, and with the amount of lubrication we naturally produce. Some nights may be great, and others may not. Menopause or breastfeeding and pregnancy throw another wrench in the whole thing. Lubricant can help you get a leg up, so to speak, so that sex is arousing right away.

Great Sex Tips for Her #8: More Foreplay–And I’m Talking to You, Women!

Think of foreplay not as something that he does to you, but as something that you BOTH do. If you can become active BEFORE you start making love, you’ll find yourself much more aroused. Rub yourself against him. Climb on top of him and feel him. Take his hand and put it where you want it to go. Circle your hips and help him. If you’re lying there while he touches you, you can start to feel embarrassed, or bored, or nervous. If you’re engaged in the process, it’s more exciting for both of you.

Great Sex Tips for Her #9: No More Erotica or Porn

If you want sex to feel amazing, you need to be aroused by your husband ONLY, and not be fantasizing about something else in your head. The more you watch porn or read erotica, or the more he does, the more sex isn’t about any kind of spiritual intimacy, but it’s just about using each other. That ends up feeling cheap and impersonal.
And the best sex isn’t sex that’s “enhanced” by porn (one of the effects of porn is lower sexual pleasure); it’s sex when you feel very loved. Commitment is the best aphrodisiac. If you want more information about this, check out this ebook by Covenant Eyes about what sex does to your brain.
31 Days to Great SexSo let’s make a New Year’s Resolution for No More Boring Sex this year!Sex is so wonderful: it unites you not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Get rid of anything that robs you of that, and then decide that it’s going to be something fun that you both enjoy this year. It’s time for a new start; take it!
In fact, today’s a great day to launch into my book 31 Days to Great Sex.It’s January 1, and it’s the beginning of the year, so why not ask him if he’ll join you? It’s got exercises that will help you talk about what you want, help you flirt more, and help you connect. And, of course, there are days that help it feel great and spice things up, too. Pick it up today!
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