Adult Swim &"A Place for Adults"

If there is a God, I ask that God, why did You locate the vagina so near those waste outlets? Was that your idea of some kind of cosmic joke? If so, we’re not laughing.

Healthy Girl = Healthy Vagina

A girl’s diet, lifestyle and genetics influences her vaginal health.

If a girl is not a healthy girl…if she eats junk food, smokes cigarettes, does meth, drinks too much booze, doesn’t bathe enough or bathe properly, doesn’t exercise enough (so she doesn’t sweat out toxins), if she has sex with guys who ejaculate inside her, if she has a yeast infection or other vaginal infestations, if she is a nasty skank-ho, or even due to genetics, of course some girls don’t taste or smell good.

Yes, that’s right. The vagina of some girls won’t taste or smell good when you put your nose between their legs. That can hurt a relationship real bad, because many people love to do oral sex on a girl, and many girls love it done, but if the girl doesn’t taste good or smell good, it’s hard for someone to enjoy eating at the Y.

Even if a girl is a totally healthy, a pure vegetarian who takes good care of her vagina, her genetic code also determines her scent and taste, which are powerful measures of sex attraction for both men and women.

In fact, some scientific studies show that a person’s natural smell can be a big, subconscious factor in whether a potential mate finds that person attractive or unattractive. When people say “there has to be chemistry” between lovers, it’s literally true.

As a woman, you have to take responsibility for what you’ve got between your legs. You of course start with not being a skank. If you’ve sleep with a different guy every week and each one of them sticks his penis or fingers inside you, you are just a walking biology lab, whether he uses condoms or not.

You’ve got to keep yourself ultra-clean inside and out. Eat healthy foods, avoid a skank lifestyle, clean yourself inside, clean yourself inside and out before sex, shave the cat, work out, get healthy, sweat through your whole body, not just your vagina.

Do some cleansing and fasting to purge out the many toxins that come into you through air, water, food and guys.

If you’re a girl who likes to have lots of guys inside her, or even just one guy, make sure the guys are clean.

And I mean clean not just as in no STD’s, which is like duh, a no brainer, but clean as in washed and classy and healthy.

Penises suck too, no pun intended. Can you say smegma? Penises can be yuck nasty. Look smegma up, it ain’t pretty.

Some Girls Taste Good…Some Girls Don’t

But all of us girls knew, in junior high or high school, that some girls smelled good and some didn’t, and that was before we were sleeping with guys, that was just how Mother Nature doled out the smell of each cat in the girl’s locker room.

It seems unfair, and no amount of feminine deodorant spray or natural herbal methods is going to much change a genetically-bad smelling cat into a rose garden.

But a rose garden cat can change into a foul sheath if the girl is a skank or otherwise unclean. And no matter what your genetics are, if you go for health

I wrote before about watching girl-girl porn so you can see how to do oral sex on a girl. Again, due to censorship rules, I am not allowed to give you the videos that would really illustrate the oral sex on women technique. The magazine won’t let me embed those videos. I’m sure you can find them on your own.

The main thing to remember is that each girl is slightly different and you want to do a checklist of sucking, kissing, tongue-inserting, rubbing, opening the lips and licking inside her and other techniques…stopping after each technique to ask how she liked it.

Of course in some cases, you don’t have to ask…she’s grabbed your head and tried to pull your face inside her.

Or if she’s sitting on top of you, she has ground herself into your face so that your nose or tongue has gone halfway up to her womb.

In that case, if she is riding your face like you’re a horse, or if she’s grabbing the back of your head and pulling your face deep inside her, you’re pretty safe to assume she likes what you’re doing.

More fun comes when you have her help you gain access to the most sensitive tissues in her body.

Bring her hands on down and ask her to open herself for you so you have the clit like a shining pink pearl waiting uncovered.

Remember that a girl’s clit is about 453.7% more sensitive than the head of a penis. You want to be very careful about how you suck on it, lick it, pull it, encircle it, and teethe it. The cute little thing is a hot button, and harsh treatment is not welcome.

Also remember that pleasure nerves are all around the clit, the labia and inside the girl, so you want to use your lips and tongue to work those areas, always remembering to take the time to ask the girl, or at least pay attention to her reactions, to make sure your cunnilingus techniques are on target.

Some girls like guys who have a beard, mustache and facial hair. But when it comes to a guy going down on you, most of us don’t. A guy with facial hair, even just a couple of days growth of stubble, can cause some serious friction damage in the cat zone.

Girls often resort to products such as douches and feminine deodorant sprays to make their vagina more tasty. Unfortunately, there’s no clear evidence of what is a safe or effective douche technique, beyond using a device that sends warm, clean water into the vagina with enough pressure to get it out of the vagina too.

Further, the use of flavored, scented, chemicalized or even “natural” ingredients can harm the vagina, changing its natural pH or otherwise upsetting the tissues.

If you’re a woman who believes her vagina “smells bad” and you want to do something about it, do the hygienic, life-cleansing, lifestyle-changing techniques I recommended, and also go to your gynecologist.

If you’re a healthy woman and your genetics don’t trend towards a smelly crotch, that bad smell may be a sign of infection or disease.
Can You Live Without Eating It?

Is a bad-smelling or bad-tasting vagina a dealbreaker in relationships? It can be. It depends on how important oral sex pleasure is to both lovers.

If you’re a woman and you love having someone lick inside you and suck your clit, and you’ve done everything possible to ensure that your vagina is healthy and clean, but your lover doesn’t love eating you, or complains that your smell or taste turns him/her off, you have to evaluate if that makes the entire relationship a problem.

If you love to do oral sex on a woman, but her taste and smell turn you off, you have to think about whether you can live with that, especially if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship and won’t have the legit opportunity to do oral sex on other women.

Can you get used to your woman’s “not-so-wonderful” vagina taste and smell, and learn to love licking her vagina, or is it a dealbreaker?

One thing is for sure, when a guy performs oral sex on a woman, he is giving more generously than when he’s doing intercourse with her. He gets to give her intense safe orgasms, without penis involvement, thus eliminating the risk of pregnancy.

He also gets to concentrate more fully on her pleasure, without having to worry about holding back his own orgasm to forestall the usual post-ejaculation slump most guys experience.

In the best of circumstances, a woman has a sweet vagina that tastes and smells delicious, and she has a lover who’s happy to spend hours down there, enjoying the juice and the girl’s orgasms.
Reality is sometimes different than those “best of circumstances” ideals, and of course we all know that penises aren’t perfect either.

Still, I’m here to wish you sincere hope that you’re one of the lucky people who finds a cunnilingus match made in heaven. Happy eating!