Even after nearly 10 years of swinging, I still find that some men forget the basic etiquette of pleasing a woman during sex. Occasionally they need to be reminded of the do's and don't's of getting down to business. While I'm sure women do just as many things to piss off men in bed, as a woman, I primarily have sex with men, so they will receive the brunt of my complaints.
1 - Skipping foreplay: Unless we are fucking in the restroom at a truckstop, you have time for foreplay. No excuses.
2 - Forgetting to trim your nails: This isn't a pap smear, so please don't scrape my cervix.
3 - Complaining about
using a condom: The condom is mandatory so shut up and put it on!
4 - Kissing me while still covered in my pussy juice: I love it when you go down on me and eat me out, but I hate to kiss you when your face looks like a glazed donut. Discreetly wipe your face on your shirt/pants/sheets.
5 - Expecting me to do all the work on top: Let's face it, girl on top is pretty hot, but don't expect me to do it all day. Roll me over and give me a little action back.
6 - Being too soft and sweet: While most women love the 'making love' moments of sex, we also like some rough and tumble action. Push me around, pull my hair and take charge!
7 - Sounding like a squeaky toy: Sexual noises are exhilarating and women love to hear they are pleasing just as much as men, but if you come off with a squeak, whine or girlie whimper you are going to pretty much ruin the moment.
8 - Accidentally poking my ass: By now you should know where my vagina is located and where my asshole is. Keep your dick in the proper place unless otherwise directed.
9 - Forgetting to shave before a date: Most women would agree with the statement that beard rash sucks. Trying to cover up a red chin the next day isn't easy. Either let your facial hair grow a little more or shave right before the date. It will make me oh so happy.
10 - Laughing when I accidentally queef or fart: This is embarrassing no matter how it happens. You most likely put that air in there, so it must come out. Just pretend like it didn't happen so we can get back to business.
By Rebecca Ammon
1 - Skipping foreplay: Unless we are fucking in the restroom at a truckstop, you have time for foreplay. No excuses.
2 - Forgetting to trim your nails: This isn't a pap smear, so please don't scrape my cervix.
3 - Complaining about
using a condom: The condom is mandatory so shut up and put it on!
4 - Kissing me while still covered in my pussy juice: I love it when you go down on me and eat me out, but I hate to kiss you when your face looks like a glazed donut. Discreetly wipe your face on your shirt/pants/sheets.
5 - Expecting me to do all the work on top: Let's face it, girl on top is pretty hot, but don't expect me to do it all day. Roll me over and give me a little action back.
6 - Being too soft and sweet: While most women love the 'making love' moments of sex, we also like some rough and tumble action. Push me around, pull my hair and take charge!
7 - Sounding like a squeaky toy: Sexual noises are exhilarating and women love to hear they are pleasing just as much as men, but if you come off with a squeak, whine or girlie whimper you are going to pretty much ruin the moment.
8 - Accidentally poking my ass: By now you should know where my vagina is located and where my asshole is. Keep your dick in the proper place unless otherwise directed.
9 - Forgetting to shave before a date: Most women would agree with the statement that beard rash sucks. Trying to cover up a red chin the next day isn't easy. Either let your facial hair grow a little more or shave right before the date. It will make me oh so happy.
10 - Laughing when I accidentally queef or fart: This is embarrassing no matter how it happens. You most likely put that air in there, so it must come out. Just pretend like it didn't happen so we can get back to business.
By Rebecca Ammon
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